Bane's WWE Royal Rumble 2019 Reaction

On Sunday the 27th of January 2019, WWE presented one of it's biggest events of the year; The Royal Rumble. The card was stacked from top to bottom and all signs pointed to an instant classic. Now, for this column, I have made notes on each match in a reactionary way while watching the PPV so there will be some that are shorter than others depending on level of interest and also some of my trademark profanities that you all (well, at least Jimmy and the rest of his pals from Tamworth) enjoy.

Match 1: WWE SmackDown Women's Championship

"The Man" Becky lynch vs. "The Empress of Tomorrow", Asuka (Champion)

Nice pace to the start of the match and some good solid striking from both competitors, some nice work on the edge of the ring apron, and some beautiful near falls through the match, great end to the match but thought the wrong woman won.

Winner and still SmackDown Women's Champion, Asuka

Good match, great opening I give this match a 4 out of 5

Match 2: WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship

The Bar - Sheamus and Cesaro (Champions) vs. Shane McMahon and The Miz

Next up we have some tag team action. The Miz and Shane vs The Bar. I can't believe the WWE has no better team to face their tag champs than Miz and Shane. Okay match with the normal Shane spots but why oh why have the put the titles on these 2?!?!

Winners and NEW WWE SmackDown Tag Team Champions, The Miz and Shane McMahon

2 out of 5. Not fucking happy, jokers.

Match 3: WWE Raw Women's Championship

Sasha Banks vs. Ronda Rousey (Champion)

Now if you've read the online reports that Rousey has asked for time off after Mania, then like me you'll be wondering who they are going to drop the title to. The same reports are saying Banks wants out and to go to AEW so let's see if any of that affects the outcome. Nice opening but I am so distracted by Rondas eye make up - who the fuck went wild with the magic marker? Whoever is was back stage needs to behave next time! I like the improvement in Rousey but she is still shown up as a rookie when compared to Banks.

Winner and still WWE Raw Women's Champion, Ronda Rousey

Just don't agree with this as Banks was the better person and it showed. Rousey is on borrowed time, 3.5 out of 5

Match 4: WWE Women's Royal Rumble Match

Next up is the women's rumble. I said in the Team Venom preview that Nikki Cross is my pick to win, so let's see if I was right. Number 1 is Lacey Evans and WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON HER HEAD?!?!?! Phahahahaha. Number 2 is Natalya. Nice new school vs old school to start off. Number 3, Mandy Rose. Number 4, Liv Morgan who is also the first elimination, sadly. Number 5 is Mickey James. There's been nothing special yet BUT Number 8 is Nikki Cross!!!! My pick is on fire and beating the shit outta everyone! Noooo the Iconics get my pick, Nikki Cross, out! Number 13 is Charlotte Flair. Number 20 is Zelina Vega and I am liking the street fighter get-up that Vega is in! Number 26 is Alexa Bliss. Number 29 is Nia Jax, now she could take some stopping. Number 30 Carmella Nice little shock after number 30 as Becky Lynch takes the injured Lana's place (BTW Lana got attacked and injured and never made it into the match) so your winner is Becky Lynch!!!!!!

WInner: Becky Lynch

The ending to the women's rumble was good but nothing spectacular and only added to my thoughts of a horse women of the old NXT vs horse women of UFC

Match 5: WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Daniel Bryan (Champion) vs. AJ Styles

The build to this was quite good and for a very rare change there is sort of a story going in to it. Not sure what I was expecting, I thought this could be match of the night but it's just been "meh". On paper this should be amazing but watching it I have to wonder if one or both is working hurt and is saving the better match for later down the road. The crowd had zero interest in this match, its like watching the first Saudi crowd. WTF is Eric Rowan doing out here?!?!?! I'm surprised he never injured himself on the way down!

Winner and still WWE Champion, Daniel Bryan

Fuckin snoozefest

Match 6: WWE Universal Championship

Finn Balor vs. Brock Lesnar (Champion)

Why, oh why did we not get demon Balor? Oh my god what a start! Go Finn! Go kick the shit outta the big sweaty bitch! And back to normal Brock match zzzzzzz. Come on Finn (not being biased) That counter to an F5 into a DDT was a thing of beauty - Balor is on the fly! Come on! Crowd are with me on this! WTF is this horseshit?

Winner, Lesnar and he can fuck off

Match 7: The Royal Rumble Match (Men's)

So Number is 1 Elias, OK. Number 2 Jeff Jarrett WTF?!?!?! I did not expect that, I am OK with a few legends just not loads. First out is Double J, Jeff Jarrett and number 3 is Shinsuke Nakamura - Not a fan of his new onesie. Number 4 is Kurt Angle, number 5 Big E, Number 8 Samoa Joe and it's strange that this is Joe's first rumble (and he is a strong contender to win the whole thing). Number 15 No Way Jose. Did he just set a new record? Joe and Drew are tearing it up - this is a match I would like to see down the line. Number 18 is the WWE UK Champion, Pete Dunne and the UK is being represented well. Number 20 is Apollo Crews. Up to number 26 but still can't see a winner yet. Number 27 is Strowman and he could win this. Shit, he is cleaning house! Number 29 is the viper, Randy Orton. Number 30 should be R-Truth but Nia Jax just beat the shit out of him and is taking his place! She even got an elimination! Pahahahahaha Nia Jax just got RKO'd pahahahahaha.

Winner Seth Rollins

An okay event but felt like they held back on a few matches. Overall I'd give this show a 3.5 out of 5.